A Heart Too Full for Anger

Love and Anger Don’t Live in the Same Place

There’s a beautiful Afrikaans saying that I often come back to in my work as a life coach and in my own personal reflections: “Liefde en kwaad sit nie in dieselfde plek nie.”

In English, it means: “Love and anger don’t live in the same place.”

At first glance, it sounds like a simple truth - something your grandmother might say with a knowing smile, but over the years, I’ve realized how profound it really is. These few words hold a quiet wisdom about how we relate to ourselves and to others. The truth of it reaches deep into the way we live, love and respond to life’s challenges.

When the Heart Is Divided

I’ve learned through my own life experiences  - in relationships, in work and even in my own self-talk - that love and anger can’t truly coexist. When anger fills the space, love struggles to breathe. When love is alive and active, anger loses its power.

There was a time in my life when I carried a lot of unspoken anger. It wasn’t always loud or explosive; sometimes it showed up as irritation, judgement or a silent resentment that lingered long after an argument was over. I told myself I was “over it,” yet my heart still felt heavy.

What I didn’t realize was that anger had taken up space where love was meant to live.

When I held onto anger, I thought I was protecting myself - guarding my heart from further hurt. In reality, I was building walls so high that even love couldn’t climb over them.

The Energy We Choose

Love and anger are both powerful energies, but they lead us in opposite directions.

• Anger closes: It builds walls, feeds pride and separates us from others.

• Love opens: It builds bridges, nurtures understanding and connects us back to what really matters.

As a life coach, I see this pattern often. We think we can move forward while still carrying the weight of bitterness, but that emotional baggage holds us back more than we realize. Letting go of anger isn’t weakness - it’s a form of strength. It’s choosing peace over pride, freedom over control.

The Cost of Holding On

We often think that letting go of anger means excusing what someone did, but it doesn’t. Forgiveness isn’t about saying, “It’s okay.” It’s about saying, “I won’t let this hold power over me anymore.”

Anger takes energy. It drains the joy out of moments that should feel light. It keeps our focus on the past and closes us off from what could be. I’ve seen this pattern countless times with my clients: they want to move forward - to find happiness, purpose or peace - but they’re still carrying an old wound that silently shapes their choices.

When love tries to enter a heart that’s already crowded with bitterness or blame, there’s simply no room. As the saying reminds us: love and anger cannot live in the same place.

Reclaiming Inner Space

So how do we create that space again?

For me, it started with awareness - noticing when anger was present and acknowledging it without judgement. Instead of pushing it away, I learned to ask:

“What is this anger trying to protect in me?”

Usually, beneath anger lies pain - disappointment, fear or rejection. When we give ourselves permission to feel that deeper layer, the anger starts to soften.

Then comes choice - the conscious decision to release it. Sometimes it means having a hard conversation, writing an unsent letter or even seeking professional support to process the emotion. Other times, it simply means choosing to bless and release - to stop rehearsing the hurt in your mind and make room for healing.

Choosing Love as a Daily Practice

Love isn’t always a feeling. Often, it’s a practice - a series of small, intentional decisions that shape the kind of person you want to be.

Choosing love might look like:

• Speaking gently when you could speak sharply.

• Offering understanding when it would be easier to judge.

• Forgiving even when you never received an apology.

• Letting go, not because someone deserves it, but because you deserve peace.

Every time we choose love over anger, we reclaim a bit more of our inner freedom.

The Heart Can Only Hold One

I believe this saying applies not only to how we treat others, but also to how we treat ourselves. Many people carry anger toward themselves - for past mistakes, missed chances or the person they used to be, but just like we can’t love others while harbouring resentment, we also can’t love ourselves while holding onto self-blame.

To live fully, we must make peace with who we are - the light and the shadow, the love and the lessons.

A Simple Practice

If you feel anger rising, pause and ask yourself:

“Can love live here right now?”

If the answer is no, take a breath. Step back. Give yourself grace. Sometimes, it takes time to release what hurt us, but each small act of choosing love - even when it’s hard - reclaims a little more of your inner space for peace.

Final Thoughts

“Liefde en kwaad sit nie in dieselfde plek nie.”
It’s more than a saying - it’s a daily reminder. You cannot walk in love while holding onto anger. One must leave for the other to truly thrive.

It’s a simple truth that invites us to reflect: What am I holding onto that’s crowding out love? What would happen if I created just a little more space - a little more grace - for love to move in?

When we make that choice, life begins to open again, relationships soften, joy returns and peace settles in the places where pain once lived, because in the end, love isn’t just an emotion - it’s a way of being and it can only truly flourish when we make room for it.

Choose love... every single time!

With you on the journey,
– Storm Reagan
Life Coach | Lived Experience Guide